


before you can win, you have to believe you are worthy

by being_a_fangirl



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hockey, Alternate Universe - Sports, M/M, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-07
Updated: 2014-07-07
Packaged: 2018-02-07 19:26:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1910889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/being_a_fangirl/pseuds/being_a_fangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>sometimes, when the world seems too much and you need a chance to breathe, you just need to look in front of you to have all of those worries disappear</p><p>or, harry is a famous hockey player and louis is his loving, proud, and always terribly concerned husband.</p>
            </blockquote>





	before you can win, you have to believe you are worthy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [say_thanks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/say_thanks/gifts).



> title is a quote from Mike Ditka (some guy in the NFL idk)
> 
> It's just short and sweet :) i hope you enjoy it. comments are loved and appreciated.
> 
> i tried to keep the hockey lingo down to a minimum for those who don't really know the sport (its a shame really because hockey is wonderful)

     While standing in the middle of his kitchen, with stains covering every inch of his newly washed shirt, Louis seriously began to wonder how he got to this point in his life. He truly wanted to know where he went wrong to deserve being attacked by an applesauce spoon-sword that was brandished by his ever-enthusiastic baby girl. He loved his daughter so, so, so, much but he was seriously starting to regret telling his mom he could handle both her and Harry on the big game night.  


     “Lily, love.” Louis said, pinching the bridge of his nose and taking a deep breath. “Please, sweetheart, please. Just, let’s cooperate okay? Can I have the spoon? Good girls don’t throw their applesauce.”  


     “Good girl!” The chubby faced toddler squealed from her high chair, throwing some more applesauce onto the already large pile that had collected on the floor.  


     Stepping into the danger zone, Louis managed to wrestle the spoon from her chubby fingers and hold it above his head triumphantly. It was always like this when Harry had a big game later that day. It was like Lily could sense when both her parents were slightly more nervous and on edge than usual.  


     Louis had grown used to Harry becoming clingy before games, needing the extra words of encouragement to stop his hands from shaking. Even before Harry had been scouted to play in the NHL, Louis could remember the long, sleepless, nights before game days. That was the only time Anne would allow Louis to stay in the same room as Harry when they had sleepovers. Usually she wanted to keep at least some “innocence” in the house, but she knew how much Harry needed Louis before a game. Three years into playing professional hockey in the NHL and not much had changed.  


     The game later that night however, was on a different level of nerves. That night Harry would be playing game seven of the Stanley Cup Finals. This last game would decide whether or not they would bring home the Cup and Harry, to put it lightly, had been a mess all morning.  


     If it had been a regular season game that Harry was playing he would have been able to stay in bed until around 8:00am, then have his usual breakfast shake along with his eggs, and then finally head to the arena for some practice before the game. This wasn’t regular season though, and so Harry had woken up at 6:30am unable to stay in bed for much longer, barely finished his breakfast shake, and left early to practice because he just couldn’t sit still.  


     It was so unusual for Louis to experience too; this was the first year that The Leafs had made it into the playoffs so it was the first time Louis had had to deal with this type of pressure. To be honest, when Harry had been signed to the Maple Leafs they both thought he was signing away any chance he had at playing a playoff game. Yet, it was only three years later and there they were in game seven of the finals.  


     The men deserved it though, Louis thought. Despite all of the pressure put on them by the league and their fans, the men played hard throughout the regular season and for the first time in about 7 years found themselves in the first round of playoffs against the Boston Bruins. It was no wonder Louis’ blood pressure was through the roof when it was his duty as a husband to sit through any game of his husband’s, let alone ones against a team as rough as The Bruins. That team was known to use their sheer size to their advantage and although Harry was considered tall, him along with the majority of his team were like rag dolls to players like Chara, Marchand, or Lucic.  


     It was a close series, the Leafs tried to use their speed to out skate the opposition, and they ended up winning the series 4 games to 3. The team moved on to play the Tampa Bay Lightning’s, meaning Louis could rest his racing heart for a bit. The team was skilled, but not as rough. Louis actually decided to let Lily watch a couple of these games with him, not worried that Harry would get checked into the boards too hard and have Lily witness her dad getting hurt. The series ended quickly, with Tampa only winning one game.  


     At that time, Louis loved listening to Sportsnet while Lily was sleeping. He got to hear the commentators rave over the connection that “Styles, Kessel and Van Riemsdyk” had. Everyone who was anyone in the name of hockey was just so elated that those three boys were delivering game after game. Louis, from his position on the couch or washing the floors in the kitchen, would almost burst from pride every time he heard their praise. Some days the pride would swell up from his stomach and almost choke him, other days it was like a dull ache deep in his bones.  


     Every time he heard their praise, Louis would remember when Harry first got drafted into the NHL. The men would sit on their stools in front of a camera and talk about how they didn’t think Styles was a good choice for the Leafs, how he just wasn’t prepared to move to professional hockey. He would remember how Harry would put a smile on his face for everyone else, saying that he would prove those men wrong; yet late at night, just as they were about to fall asleep together, he would whisper to Louis how nervous he was to play his first game, how he didn’t want everyone to be right about him.  


     Whenever that happened, Louis wanted to find those men and make them eat their words. Well, honestly, he wanted to do a lot more than that, but he really didn’t want to damage Harry’s “image” in the hockey league even more than he had already by being his husband. The both of them for the most part tried to keep their relationship quiet, not wanting to give the media anything to focus on. Harry was talented, and should be known for his hockey skills, not for his sexual orientation.  


     Louis mostly wanted to yell at those men because Harry had always been an insecure player, even when he was captaining the Canadian Juniors and led them to winning a gold medal. Louis was never sure if it was because of the pressure put on him at a young age to be good, or if it was because he was the first openly gay NHL players. Whatever it was, Louis thought that when Harry got drafted to an NHL team, those insecurities would lessen since he was obviously good enough to surpass any criticism brought on him.  


     It had taken a couple of years playing on the Leafs, but Harry had learned how to loosen up and let himself grow as a player. Now, being on the team for three years, Harry was about to play the most important game of his career. That night they would play the LA Kings for the seventh time, hopefully bringing the Stanley Cup home to Toronto, and to put it lightly, Louis was fucking terrified.  


     Louis looked at the clock above the stove and sighed. He had a little under an hour to get ready and get Lily cleaned up before he had to leave for the Air Canada Centre. Thankfully the game was in their hometown, or else Louis would have torn his hair out by now. Trying to get ready in your own home with a toddler was hard enough, add a foreign hotel and country into the mix and Lily really couldn’t be tamed.  


     On those occasions you could definitely tell that Lily was Louis’ child, even though she wasn’t biologically. She was a spitting image of Harry, same big doe eyes and full lips, but she had the restless energy that Louis had. It exasperated Harry most days, being as laid back as he was, but Louis secretly loved it. It was a weird feeling at the beginning when Lily was born, knowing that he was her dad but not through DNA. It was a small feeling, and it disappeared quickly, but it was still nice knowing he had been able to pass something down to her. Even if what he passed down made her an absolute nightmare on long car rides.  


     Today it seemed that whatever restless energy she usually had was multiplied tenfold. She fought Louis against putting her clothes on – a trait she definitely got from Harry – and by the time she was strapped into her car seat and ready to go to the rink, they were running ten minutes late. Which wasn’t that big of a deal considering neither Louis nor Lily would be able to see Harry before the game. Harry would be getting himself pumped up on the ice and ready in the change room and Louis would send him his customary “I’m so proud of you, you’re gonna kick major ass xxxxx” text while he met up with friends and family in a booth to watch the game. Louis knew Harry needed his time to get into his ‘zone’ but it was still nice to be punctual.  


     The ACC was packed when they got there and Louis was thankful for the security guard that led him from his car (which was parked for him. Louis would never get used to this high-class treatment) up to the booth where he would watch the game. Just because a lot of people have glossed over the fact that Harry was an openly gay hockey player with a husband and a little baby girl, doesn’t mean that there weren’t a few asshole fans that liked to let their dislike known. After one incident while Lily was present both Harry and Louis decided that they would need to invest in security at all times at games.  


     It’s also one of the reasons why Louis sits in a box instead of in the stands like a lot of the other family members do. His excuse is that he wants Lily to be able to watch the games while also being able to play with her toys freely, but in reality it was because Louis didn’t want to have to listen to people talk behind his back; it was even worse when it came from the wives and family members of the men on the team. So, he sits with Harry’s ‘entourage’ in the box, enjoying the game, while Lily busies herself playing with a couple other children her age. It wasn’t as if Harry was opposed to the idea. He still encountered slurs on the ice, mostly from the other team but sometimes, although rarely, the slurs came from his own teammates. Harry was more than happy to let Louis have his little bit of space.  


     Louis looked out of the box and into the stands, watching as hundreds upon hundreds of people filed in to take their seat. The ACC had been turned into a sea of blue and white; Louis had never seen something so wonderful.  
Usually the time before a game for their little family was quiet. Harry always spent before the game with his team and Anne and Jay and all of their other close friends knew that Louis needed a moment inside of his own head beforehand and so they talked amongst themselves. They could understand the worry he went through each and every time Harry stepped out onto the ice. So, when Louis’ phone rang, he was a little startled and a lot confused to see it was Harry calling him.  


     “Hi love, is everything alright?” Louis asked while slowly moving to the side of the room to get some privacy.  


     “No, I’m not alright, I’m fucking freaking out and I don’t know what to do,” Harry’s shaky voice sounded quietly through the phone speakers, “why did I ever think I could do this? I feel like I’m going to puke.”  


     “Babe,” Louis smiled as he covered his face with his hand, “you can do this. You’ve been doing it for forever now and nothing has stopped you before. I’ve been watching you since you were a baby-faced 16 year old and even then I knew you could do it.”  


     Louis could hear a sigh on the other end of the line.  


     “Where are you anyways? It doesn’t sound like you’re in the locker room.”  


     “I snuck out to our equipment closet… Lou,” Harry groaned, “this is so fucking huge. Why am I doing this? Why did I ever think that this much pressure would be fun? Why, why, why, why, why?”  


     “Lily, could you come here for a second?” Louis yelled to his daughter across the room. He brought the phone back to his ear and spoke soothingly, “you’re doing it because you love hockey, because I’m so proud of you, and because no matter what happens our little girl will always, always, love you.”  


     Louis squatted to her level once she had made it to Louis’ spot across the room and put the phone on speaker, “Lily, love, are you excited to watch your daddy play tonight?”  


     “Yes!” The toddler chirped while clapping her hands.  


     “And how much do you love your daddy?” Louis asked her.  


     “Lots!” she chirped again, trying to give a kiss to the picture Louis had as Harry’s contact.  


     “And if your daddy loses tonight, will you still love him forever and ever?” Louis laughed, moving the phone away from the excitable toddlers puckered lips.  


     “Yes! Forever, and ever, and ever.” Lily nodded and took a seat on Louis’ lap, watching the phone intently.  


     “See? You’ll be okay, Haz.” Louis murmured into the phone, bringing back Harry’s nickname from when they first met.  


     “Yeah,” Harry said, voice rough. “Yeah you’re right.”  


     Louis waited a few beats for Harry to continue. His breathing was rough but quiet over the line, barely perceptible over the murmur of the guests in the box with Louis.  


     “Babe, you’ve got this.” Louis smiled into his hand.  


     “Okay, yeah, you’re right, I do.” Louis heard Harry take a deep breath, “I love you, you know? You and Lily. So much. I don’t think I could do this without you.”  


     “I know you could do this without us, but since that was so sweet I will say thank you, I’m so proud of you.”  


     “Thanks Lou, that means a lot… I guess I should get out of this equipment closet then and get on with my life like the big boy that I am?” Louis could hear shuffling on the other end of the line and a door opening.  


     “Well you certainly are a big boy,” Louis laughed into the receiver.  


     “Really Lou? Dick jokes now? Is that really appropriate?” Louis heard a wolf whistle in the background and assumed Harry had made his way back into the dressing room.  


     “Dick jokes are always appropriate. Now go get psyched for this game and kick some butt!” Louis always thought he sounded less cool now that he had to censor himself in front of his daughter. That’s the price you pay, he guessed.  


     “Yeah, I’m with the boys now. Thanks for listening to me whine.” Harry laughed self-consciously into the receiver.  


     “I married you didn’t I? I’m pretty sure that was part of the deal. Go get ‘em babe. Love you.”  


     “Love you too, Lou.” Louis could hear the boys all ‘awwwww’-ing in the background.  


     The last thing Louis heard was a loud, “Oh, fuck off!” before the line went dead. Lily looked up at Louis patiently, wondering if her daddy was still on the phone or not. She always did love to talk to Harry on the phone; if Harry was at an away game that Louis and Lily weren’t able to go to, Lily would constantly pick up any phone shaped object saying, “Hi daddy, it’s Lily”.  


     Today though, Louis just bounced Lily a little bit on his knee and ruffled her hair, “You ready to watch the game, monkey?”  


     Lily squealed and jumped off of her spot on Louis to run to where Lux was playing with her toys. Lou had brought her along to keep Lily occupied because she knew Louis would be completely invested in the game. She truly was a sweetheart.  


     Even though Louis had just spoken to Harry on the phone, he didn’t want to break tradition so he sent his customary text and sat down in his seat in front of the boxes window. Louis tried to pass the time before the game by counting how many jerseys had ‘Styles 17’ on the back of them, but lost count at around 20 and chose to stare blankly at the ice instead.  
He was startled out of his little trance when the players all came onto the ice, getting prepared for the game and lining up for the national anthem. Louis felt a warm hand settle on his forearm and he looked over to see Anne sitting in the chair next to him, looking out of the glass window with watery eyes.  


     “I’m so proud of him, Lou.” Anne said, taking a deep breath. “I always knew he’d get here, but no matter how much you know you’re never fully prepared. No matter what happens I’ll always love him, but Jesus Christ I want him to kick ass today.”  


     Louis gave a watery laugh and moved his hand to hold Anne’s. His mom came and settled in the chair on his other side, and they sat in amicable silence as the time got closer and closer to game time. Eventually Louis called Lily over to him, and the whole stadium stood up to listen to the national anthems.  


     After that the next two hours were a blur. The game was very evenly matched, just like the past 6 matches had been. The LA Kings got a quick goal within the first period, caused by a bad shift change from the Leafs. The one goal deficit didn’t last too long though. About 11 minutes into the second period, the boys picked it up and had a two on one against the Kings. Van Riemsdyk fought for the puck against the boards in the defending zone, passing it out to center ice where Harry was waiting for the pass.  


     Louis was out of his seat pulling out his hair as he watched Harry and Kessel skate into the offending zone. Harry skated up to the net and made a last second pass to Kessel who tipped it into the net, tying up the score.  
The rest of the game was a back and forth between both teams. The intensity between the players had been doubled- opportunities for goals were everywhere- however so had the frustration. The refs were turning blind eyes to trips and boardings that should have been called as penalties for both teams.  


     By the end of the third period the players were practically at each other’s throats. One of the Kings’ defensemen, Drew Doughty, continued to get rougher and rougher against Harry. He was clearly frustrated considering Harry had speed that he didn’t; but each time Doughty’s checks got harder and harder, Louis grew more nervous.  
The score was still 1-1 so the game went into overtime. The whole arena was standing on their feet and Louis, Anne, and Jay were pacing back and forth in front of the large window.  


     The period began like all the others had; the boys were playing hard, the puck was going back and forth, each team had multiple chances to score. Around 9 minutes into overtime however, Harry skated quickly to centre ice where he received a pass from Kessel.  


     He skated hard, passed the blue line and was coming up to the crease with Doughty close on his trail, when Doughty reached out his stick and stuck it in between Harry’s legs. Harry went down hard. The fans were hitting the glass, calling for a penalty shot, and Louis was barely breathing. He was glad that Lily was playing with Lux in the corner of the room, because she didn’t need to see her dad fall that hard.  


     After around 30 seconds Harry picked himself slowly off the ice. The ref came on over the loud speaker and signaled that Harry was to get a chance at a goal through a penalty shot.  
The whole arena went silent. If Harry got this goal they would win the cup. If not, the boys would have to continue fighting through the overtime period.  


     Harry shook out his shoulders and looked toward the net. Louis could see him take a deep breath in, then out, and then he was off down the ice. He was taking it slower than usual, wanting the extra time to think out his moves. Harry was just coming up to the crease now in front of the net, he moved left, then right, and then flicked the puck to the top left corner of the net-  


     And it went in.  


     That exact moment is one that Louis would remember for the rest of his life. It wasn’t particularly the goal that had his heart racing; it was the way the crowd lost control. It was the way Harry skated around the back of the net with his arms raised toward the crowd, causing them to cheer impossibly louder. It was the smile that Louis could see on Harry’s face even though he was quite far away from the ice.  


     Louis wouldn’t forget that moment, and he knew that these fans wouldn’t either.  


     The noise within the stadium was deafening. Everyone was moving- the players were jumping on Harry to congratulate him, the fans in the stands were hugging each other, the workers were bringing the Stanley cup out onto the ice.  


     But Louis, Anne, and Jay were silent and still. All three of them too shocked and happy to do anything other than hold each other’s hands. And then everything hit Louis at once - the pride, the happiness, and the relief.  


     “Oh my God,” Louis said, hysterical laughter escaping his mouth, “Oh my God!” Louis ran to pick up Lily and spin her around, the room finally breaking out of their silence and starting their celebration.  


     Everything after that was a blur. Louis somehow managed to pack up all of Lily’s things and hand her off to Lou for a sleep over with Lux, and then the three of them – Anne, Louis, and Jay – all headed to a celebration hall where the players were all waiting for their families to join them.  


     Louis was thrumming with energy. The car ride to the hall seemed to take far too long, he practically ripped the door off of its handles in his rush to see Harry. Louis didn’t wait for Anne or Jay; both of them would catch up on their own pace. He showed his ID to the men out front of the building and moved inside to where his husband was waiting.  


     The room wasn’t too full yet, so Louis spotted Harry’s head of curls right away. They made eye contact and immediately began running toward each other into a hug in the middle of the room. People were probably looking at them, it happened a lot when they showed affection toward each other in public, but at that moment neither of them cared.  


     “I’m so, so proud of you, you have no idea.” Louis mumbled into Harry’s shirt.  


     “I’ve been so close to tears about 20 times already don’t do this to me Lou, I don’t think I could handle it.” Harry said, voice full of emotion.  


     “Right, yes, good job then. I expect better next time.” Louis pat Harry on the back and moved out of the hug to let Anne congratulate him, Harry’s laughter following him as he stood to the side of their group.  


     Louis took this chance to look around the room, to look at all the other players being congratulated by family members and friends. A lot of them were looking right at Louis and Harry, but unlike usual it was without the curiosity and slight disgust that Louis was used to seeing. This time every single person had a smile on their face, like they were becoming happy off of their happiness and Louis couldn’t find it in him to hate the attention.  


     His boy had just won the Stanley Cup. If there was ever a night to say ‘fuck you’ to usual social standards, it would be that very night.  


     Once Anne and Jay were finished hugging Harry, Louis went in for one more hug, giving his husband a chaste kiss.  


     “Lou, babe, we’re in public.” Harry mumbled against his lips, a slight blush creeping up his cheeks.  


     “I don’t give a single fuck, Harry. My boy just won the Cup, I’m celebrating.”  


     Harry laughed and grabbed Louis’ hand, pulling him toward some of the other players and their families. No matter how stressful having a husband who played in the NHL was, Louis would never change it for the world. The pride he felt at that very moment would always, always, outweigh all the negativity. That fact alone had Louis squeeze Harry’s hand a little tighter and not let go of it the whole night.


End file.
